The 4th Grade

My grade school in Quincy Illinois had been built in the early seventies right next to the old brick school building which was practically an overgrown one room school house. The year I entered 4^th grade was the year that they finished renovations on the old school house and guess what they did with it? One half of the basement was an music, art and activity room, the other half of the basement was a fourth grade classroom. The entire upstairs was converted into, you guessed it a library. Guess which 4^th grade class I ended up in. That’s right the one underneath the library.

Some might think this is a coincidence. They probably also think it is a coincidence that the LC call number for the Bible starts out with BS. Again it was a conspiracy by those misanthropist ALA demons again controlling my life, carefully leading me down the path of addiction and then obsession. The library was of course staffed with this friendly young lady, who read to us and let us get our own books to look at and read. She had a stack of large wooden keys painted in bright colors. We would take one of the keys and when we found a book that we liked we would place the key by the book and turn it to spread the books open and then we could pull our book out. We needed to remember our color so that when we were done we could go back and turn the key again to spread the books open and place our book back where we got it. I of course was her “big helper” in collecting the keys and putting away books others had left out. To this day I can not walk into Hastings without forgetting to get a movie and just get lost in alphabetizing their videos. It drives me insane. Their military section has a whole stack of shelves labeled WWI and the shelves contain nothing but WWII books. I almost had a seizure. The WWI books were in a completely different stack. I hunted down a staff member and asked her what was wrong with this picture? (Turns out it was Cassies’ old boss who wants her back) Do you know what the reason was? Hastings labels their books with price tags combination barcodes and a topic. They do not have a WWI or WWII topic or subject heading, they just have World War as a topic. So they sent a bunch of WWII books and a bunch of WWI shelf labels. So the store has to put a bunch of books about D-day, the Nazis etc. under WWI shelf labels. Has the world gone insane? This might explain why when I go to a book store and ask for a book on a topic they can’t do a topic search on their computer they can only do title searches. I have to instead b lead to this section with a generic label like “Sports” and look to see if they have anything related to what I want? That would be like someone coming to the reference desk and asking for a book on Tai Chi Chuan and us telling them to go look in the GV section. What’s up with that? How did bookstores become so popular with that kind of service? I don’t even get people asking if I need help anymore (Maybe it’s the clothes; maybe it’s the torturing of the staff) but I think it might just boil down to displays and merchandising. Maybe we need one list of what’s new this week and another of what’s hot this week? (Besides me)

Anyway by the fourth grade any chance I ever had of enjoying a video or bookstore was gone. Linda and I two anniversaries ago after dinner and a movie in Lufkin ended up in their super Wal-Mart alphabetizing their discount video sales bin. Is that sick or what? I’ve got a monkey on my back and he has a digital dictionary and thesaurus he carries with him. I’d hate to think what it would be like if I knew more than one language. Unfortunately this story does not end in the fourth grade. It continues on into one of the levels of Hell that Dante feared to write about, Middle School.

My Name is Phil and I am a Biblioholic

At first the ALA (American Library Association) was very subtle

The library association didn't jump out and grab me. They didn't even try to lure me with the more glamorous and sexy library jobs like circulation or Inter Library Loan. No they started real subtly with Cataloging then Collection Development. It wasn't an obvious frontal assault but more of an effort to create the right atmosphere to indoctrinate or inculcate these ideas into my young still forming mind. First it was round pegs go into round holes. Then it was "do your shoes match?" "how about your socks?" It was even in the first lessons in Sunday school class. "God created the Heaven and the Earth and He said let there be light." What's the first thing he did after that? He started cataloging everything. Separated the light from the dark, (what does unseparated light and dark look like?) separated the Heavens and the Earth, Water from the land, fish from mammals plants from animals birds from insects and creeping things and on and on. Then what did he do? He had Adam create the first controlled vocabulary. He brought all the beasts to Adam to see what he would name them. These stories are thousands of years old and part of the basis of our Western Culture! How did the ALA get this stuff in there and in the very first chapters? They must be more secretive and powerful than the Masons, Knight's Templar or even the Priory of Sion.

Then there are their partners in this conspiracy, PBS. Yes I'm talking about Sesame Street. Do you remember? "One of these things is not like the others, One of these things doesn't belong" Yeah, more cataloging. Tell me Bert wasn't a librarian.

Finlay the coup de gras of the whole process. Right about the age where a boy starts to form his identity. Who was he as a son, a boy, a friend, a member of a group, or a team. That's right a team. This is where the third conspirator comes in, Major League Baseball. We all had to join a team. It was part of being male, being a son, being an American. The national pass time. And with that came the baseball card collecting. That's write collection development. First your favorite team, then their rivals, then star players and rookies. Soon you had all the teams for the whole year, then you had to get the next year and if you got that there were always previous years which were more valuable and drove your collecting. Soon it became an obsession a compulsion, you had to get card #127 to finish your set. Then you would make the trade, and get card #127. What ecstasy. The dopamine, the adrenaline the sense of achievement, of accomplishment, of completeness, what could be greater?

Then the high would wear off. You had your set you had no more money to buy other cards. No one had anything you wanted to trade for. So you begin to sort. You would sort by card number checking the index card (Shelf List) to be sure you had them all. Then you would sort by team, by position, by player's name. I did not learn to alphabetize or sort by classification numbers in library school. I learned it in my bedroom sorting and resorting my baseball cards over and over again. Little did I know I was being prepared, conditioned, groomed even. Groomed for the next step in the process.

My Name is Phil, and I am a Biblioholic