Be Good to Your Mother

Well my dear mother was not very happy with her portrayal as a hippie book addict. If you read the post you will see a comment from my brother confirming my side of the story.
Hi My Name is Phil and I'm a Biblioholic: Hi my name is Phil and I am a Biblioholic.

Something good has come from this though. My mom has finally begun to talk about her problem. She has decided to review the libraries in her life and face the stark reality of her situation. They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Let the healing begin.

The first library I remember was at Douglas Grade School in Springfield, Illinois. The school was named for Stephen A. Douglas and was built around the turn of the 20th century. Its time and place dictated that the bookcases would be of oak and have at least some of the prairie style influence. (This library was a room in the school reportedly designed by Frank LLoyd Wright)

It was a small room and the books were divided not by Dewey but by grade/reading level. There were rows of stiff wooden chairs and we were all lead, single file, from our classroom to the library. It was expected that each student would quickly select a book and spend the remainder of our weekly library period reading. By the end of my eight years, before what Phil calls the torture of middle school was invented, it was increasingly difficult for me to find a book I had not read. I would browse through the books in vain for nearly the entire period, drawing frowns from the teacher but no help.

I have come to believe that the entire library collection was purchased when the building was constructed and never upgraded. This had some interesting results for me.

I learned how to relate to other children by reading the Betsey-Tacy series by Maud Hart Lovelace. I grew up on a farm, isolated from other children and supervised by my Grandmother. The house had no central heat and no running water. Given the circumstances, it is not surprising that I did not realize that Maud Hart Lovelace was writing of an earlier time. Her accounts of children who could find playmates next door, lived in a city and could go to the library on there own were wondrous to me. It wasn't until I visited the Minnesota Historical Society on my second honeymoon that I learned that she was from Mankato, Minnesota and that the stories were memories from her childhood.

As the location of the school influenced the library's physical appearance, the name of the school influenced the collection. While I do not remember meeting an actual librarian, the person who chose the books must have had a strong interest in the Civil War. That coupled with the fact that many of the Generals wrote and published their memoirs around the turn of the century resulted in a collection for the older grades that included Grant, Lee and Sherman's memoirs along with Mosby's account of the career of a partisan ranger.

The only other thing I remember from grade school was that the seventh and eighth grade teachers, both men, read the stories of Edgar Allen Poe to us on Friday afternoons. But the library brought a remarkable richness into my life. I've walked the streets of Warrenton, Virginia, seen Mosby's house and his beloved Shenandoah Valley, marveled at Grant's stoicism on the battlefield at Shiloh, and attended a re-enactment of Sherman's funeral in St. Louis. For ten years I worked as a Park Ranger at Abraham Lincoln's home in Springfield, spent quiet winter days volunteering at the Lincoln Tomb and walked the battlefield at Gettysburg alone on a beautiful spring morning. These experiences, and my love of history, I have been able to share and enjoy with my sons.

Today Douglas school is an alternative school. The library was turned into a media center in the 1960's.

Isn't it amazing how books and libraries can shape our lives. I wonder what kind of memories the Internet generation will write about and what will be the influences they remember.

Middle School

Middle School

After the heavy handed move by the ALA to put me directly under a library in some of my most impressionable and tender years I would eventually be thrown into that circle of Hell that Dante’s feared to even imagine let alone describe, middle school. I don’t know who the genius E.d.D. who thought it was a good idea to take all of the children at their most cruel and vulnerable ages 12, 13 and put them all together in one or two schools to fight it out but they should be taken out and shot. It is unfortunate that the educational establishment has continued the practice despite the prevalence of bullying and abuse heaped upon the children by their peers. If these groups were split up in a different manner the mitigating behavior and different situation would surely lead to a more hospitable environment for learning. The reason that students aren’t prepared for college is not the high schools but the middle schools, where ones survival as an individual and even as an uninjured person is constantly at risk.

Fortunately out of this crucible of arbitrary educational goals and constant social persecution there formed within me an entrepreneurial spirit that while influenced by the ALA cabal had the potential to save me from its sinister clutches. A lot of students I knew liked to read Mad Magazine books and Charlie Brown books, as well as other comic strip type books. My mom who’s addiction by this time grew from Russian Literature to garage sales and bags of grass clippings started taking me out early Saturday mornings with here to steal bags of grass and shop at garage sales. I began buying books filled with comic strips for between 10 cents and 25 cents. I would then read them and then carry them with me to school and sell them for 50 cents each. I would buy back from the other students any book I sold them or that they brought in for a quarter or trade two for one with them. As I did this my inventory grew. I soon had al my desks and my locker full of books for sale with my most recent acquisitions in my back pack. This went on for 3 or four months and I was clearing between 15$ to 20$ a week in profit. Then the school administration found out and we had to have a parent teacher conference with the assistant principal. It turns out that entrepreneurialship and reading are not part of the 7^th and 8^th grade curriculum. Capitalism, math as in accounting, inventory, planning, salesmanship and developing a business plan with room for growth and additional employees were all apparently not part of my intended education and were in fact a corrupting influence that was against the rules. I was told to stop and received detentions for this obviously deviant behavior. Surprisingly we did have a library at our middle school but for the two years I was there not a single class that I was in went to it.

Well 20$ a week is way to much for a 12 year old to give up on, so I stopped carrying my books around and kept them only in my locker. I then made an alphabetical shelf list with prices and costs in a blue ledger that I purchased and did all my business out of the ledger and then passed out my inventory at my locker. After a couple of months of this the authorities again discovered my subversive behavior and punished me severely enough that I gave up on the book selling business. Yes I could have been a part of Barne’s & Reynolds or Reynolds’ Amazon of books .com. But all of that was thwarted by the educational establishment and ultimately by the ALA through its extensive connections in the educational community.

One may wonder why the ALA would go through so much trouble to get to just one twelve year old. Open your eyes man! They aren’t after one they are after them all. They have Literacy programs and information literacy and constant ad campaigns and volunteer friends groups to snare young impressionable minds and warp them into what eventually becomes a librarians worldview where nothing is in place, nothing is organized and everything should be left to us to straighten out. This idea of librarians’ megalomaniacal impulse to straighten out and rule the world is not a new one. It began in Summer and moved to Egypt where the librarians were part of the Priestly Cast controlling the Eternal and earthly destinies of entire populations through their stranglehold on literacy. Then over 2000 years ago in China the head librarian for Zhou dynasty “Lao Tzu” would write the “Tao Te Ch’ing.” This tome attempts to explain the the way of change or the order of the cosmos. Later other librarians would follow. Carl Marx who worked in the library at the British Museum, would develop the communist manifesto that swept across the world, then Mao Ze Dong, who started his adult life as a librarian and finished it as the leader of the largest communist nation on earth followed. Finally Laura Bush the unassuming school librarian, who all Washington insiders know is the true power behind the throne of the last superpower on earth. These are not accidents of history, but the diabolical plans of a cultural elite who will one day rule the world.

Next High School

The 4th Grade

My grade school in Quincy Illinois had been built in the early seventies right next to the old brick school building which was practically an overgrown one room school house. The year I entered 4^th grade was the year that they finished renovations on the old school house and guess what they did with it? One half of the basement was an music, art and activity room, the other half of the basement was a fourth grade classroom. The entire upstairs was converted into, you guessed it a library. Guess which 4^th grade class I ended up in. That’s right the one underneath the library.

Some might think this is a coincidence. They probably also think it is a coincidence that the LC call number for the Bible starts out with BS. Again it was a conspiracy by those misanthropist ALA demons again controlling my life, carefully leading me down the path of addiction and then obsession. The library was of course staffed with this friendly young lady, who read to us and let us get our own books to look at and read. She had a stack of large wooden keys painted in bright colors. We would take one of the keys and when we found a book that we liked we would place the key by the book and turn it to spread the books open and then we could pull our book out. We needed to remember our color so that when we were done we could go back and turn the key again to spread the books open and place our book back where we got it. I of course was her “big helper” in collecting the keys and putting away books others had left out. To this day I can not walk into Hastings without forgetting to get a movie and just get lost in alphabetizing their videos. It drives me insane. Their military section has a whole stack of shelves labeled WWI and the shelves contain nothing but WWII books. I almost had a seizure. The WWI books were in a completely different stack. I hunted down a staff member and asked her what was wrong with this picture? (Turns out it was Cassies’ old boss who wants her back) Do you know what the reason was? Hastings labels their books with price tags combination barcodes and a topic. They do not have a WWI or WWII topic or subject heading, they just have World War as a topic. So they sent a bunch of WWII books and a bunch of WWI shelf labels. So the store has to put a bunch of books about D-day, the Nazis etc. under WWI shelf labels. Has the world gone insane? This might explain why when I go to a book store and ask for a book on a topic they can’t do a topic search on their computer they can only do title searches. I have to instead b lead to this section with a generic label like “Sports” and look to see if they have anything related to what I want? That would be like someone coming to the reference desk and asking for a book on Tai Chi Chuan and us telling them to go look in the GV section. What’s up with that? How did bookstores become so popular with that kind of service? I don’t even get people asking if I need help anymore (Maybe it’s the clothes; maybe it’s the torturing of the staff) but I think it might just boil down to displays and merchandising. Maybe we need one list of what’s new this week and another of what’s hot this week? (Besides me)

Anyway by the fourth grade any chance I ever had of enjoying a video or bookstore was gone. Linda and I two anniversaries ago after dinner and a movie in Lufkin ended up in their super Wal-Mart alphabetizing their discount video sales bin. Is that sick or what? I’ve got a monkey on my back and he has a digital dictionary and thesaurus he carries with him. I’d hate to think what it would be like if I knew more than one language. Unfortunately this story does not end in the fourth grade. It continues on into one of the levels of Hell that Dante feared to write about, Middle School.

My Name is Phil and I am a Biblioholic

Well its 4:00. Yup that’s what time it is. Don’t know what else to say. Some people are sleeping and some are studying and some are chatting away like it is the middle of the day. The woman’s bathroom sign is now gone off the third floor in the back. I think guys are stealing them for their dorms or apartments. I think physical plant ought to get a stencil and some spray paint and paint those suckers on their be (oh wait inside words outside words) on there and then just have a little plastic Braille tag underneath. I doubt the tag would be much of a prize for a dorm room, and it would not be a big deal to repaint it each semester if it was just a stencil. Of course if their were to many forms and the cost of the painter was to high I could just got to Wal-Mart get a can of Spray Paint and take care of it. Just give me the word. While I’m at it I could paint some additional signs. Let’s make this a group effort. Everyone think of a good sign to put up in the library and email it to me. Then we will just see where this goes. Ok, nobody tell Tiffany. We don’t want me to get in trouble or something.

Die Hard 2

Well after “discussing it” with Linda, Bruce Willis, Antonio Banderas, Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, and of course Nicholas Cage, may not do dishes but apparently R Philip Reynolds does. I tried to bring up the ninja point again put she asked” what would a bunch of ninjas want with our dirty dishes?” She had me there. I’ve seen a lot of Kung Fu and Samurai movies and they were never after the dirty dishes. I tried to say that a librarian of my stature shouldn’t… but I didn’t get to finish that sentence. Then I thought of the old “I take care of the outside of the house you take care of the inside”, but before I said it I looked out the windows and noticed the lawn was covered with leaves and remembered that the lawnmower was broken. That reminds me “What do you do when the lawnmower stops working? Slap him upside the head.”

But seriously, Linda was very sweet and did the last load of dishes while I was “sleeping” today. She had already heard all of my Bruce Willis jokes anyway and so I knew she wouldn’t be mad. I am lucky to have here, but I am going to have to come up with some new stories or she might get bored with me.

R Philip Reynolds

The Dishwashing (better looking than Nicholas Cage) Librarian

Die Hard

I hate Bruce Willis. He always plays such a stud. In the Die hard movies he was ridiculously macho but in Armageddon (spoilers coming) when he rips the suit of his antithesis who is going to marry his daughter so that he can stay on the meteor to trigger the nuclear bomb by hand, that is just way over the top. And then the big guy goes you the man Harry you the man. Now how’s a guy supposed to compete with that. I take my wife to a move looking to have a good time, drink a couple of gallons of coke, eat several cubic meters of popcorn, hear some Aerosmith, maybe put my arm around her? J and then here comes Bruce Willis “the man” after ramroding this whole impossible project during the movie he then sacrifices his life by blowing himself up on a meteor with a nuclear bomb and saves the entire planet. How am I supposed to compete with that? I mean what kind of chance do I have to save the world. Oh hey Linda I saw a squirrel in the road today and slammed on my breaks just in time to save it. Good thing I changed those rotors last week. I mean give me a break. Like Die Hard the building is full of terrorists and he single-handedly kills them all and saves everyone. I’ve been in Nac 9 years and have never seen a terrorist.

Just for the record I want everyone to know. If the library is ever taken over by a band of heavily armed international terrorist who want to steal the OED that I’ll be there to stop them and save the day. Or if NASA ever calls and asks me to fly in the space shuttle to blow up a meteor and save the world, I’m there. I’am all over it. Now its true I didn’t get the dishes completely finished yesterday, but if ninjas break into our house to steal those dirty dishes I’m there. Any way Bruce Willis doesn’t seem like the type that does dishes. I think I need to spend that time resting up for that NASA gig.

Anyway someone ripped the sign off the wall by the women’s bathroom in the back on the second floor and I wasn’t there. Not sure when it happened. I had been coming from the other direction most of the time and tonight I came a different way and saw it. Everybody seems to be getting more and more ancy and irritable and I am hearing a lot of coughing. I think that tomorrow may be a pretty rough night. But hey don’t worry about it man, because I’m there, I’m all over it. I’ll keep an eye on those dishes too.

R Philip Reynolds

The Machine

The Human Search Engine

The Man

The Librarian

Day Three

Or night three, at this point does it really matter. The natives are restless tonight I cold tell things were edgier when I walked in. It’s more crowded and louder on every floor. The worst being the lobby then the 4^th, 3^rd. and lastly the 2^nd . in front of the elevators especially. Maybe we could move the first row of chairs and tables from around the front bank of elevators? People are more belligerent. It is hard asking one table to be quite when there are 5 or 6 other noisy tables within site. I have to go to each one separately and they usually have a sullen attitude about the ones I haven’t talked to yet. I need a bull horn so I can tell entire sections to shut the xxx (no wait, inside words, outside words) to please keep their voices down. I still have not seen an unreasonable amount of trash considering that the building is completely full. I have pictures but I can’t find my USB cable to connect my memory card drive. No vandalism and no I am not going to check up on people in the bathrooms! The guys will get the wrong idea and the women nowadays are dangerous. They all have tattoos, piercings, pepper spray, or they can just kick my butt. Linda isn’t here to protect me. If someone knows an area to watch let me know. I chased a couple of guys out of a stairwell I saw them go into that I knew led nowhere, but no real trouble just a lot of chatting. I think the stress and the caffeine are building up and it may get worse tomorrow. I may have to look for some library camouflage or wear a ball cap and go under cover as a student. Things could start to get a bit dicey. I’ll have to watch my 6’s. Only a few more klicks to go tonight and I can hit the sack.

This is Ref Base One signing off.

Semper Scholaris Librorum

At first the ALA (American Library Association) was very subtle

The library association didn't jump out and grab me. They didn't even try to lure me with the more glamorous and sexy library jobs like circulation or Inter Library Loan. No they started real subtly with Cataloging then Collection Development. It wasn't an obvious frontal assault but more of an effort to create the right atmosphere to indoctrinate or inculcate these ideas into my young still forming mind. First it was round pegs go into round holes. Then it was "do your shoes match?" "how about your socks?" It was even in the first lessons in Sunday school class. "God created the Heaven and the Earth and He said let there be light." What's the first thing he did after that? He started cataloging everything. Separated the light from the dark, (what does unseparated light and dark look like?) separated the Heavens and the Earth, Water from the land, fish from mammals plants from animals birds from insects and creeping things and on and on. Then what did he do? He had Adam create the first controlled vocabulary. He brought all the beasts to Adam to see what he would name them. These stories are thousands of years old and part of the basis of our Western Culture! How did the ALA get this stuff in there and in the very first chapters? They must be more secretive and powerful than the Masons, Knight's Templar or even the Priory of Sion.

Then there are their partners in this conspiracy, PBS. Yes I'm talking about Sesame Street. Do you remember? "One of these things is not like the others, One of these things doesn't belong" Yeah, more cataloging. Tell me Bert wasn't a librarian.

Finlay the coup de gras of the whole process. Right about the age where a boy starts to form his identity. Who was he as a son, a boy, a friend, a member of a group, or a team. That's right a team. This is where the third conspirator comes in, Major League Baseball. We all had to join a team. It was part of being male, being a son, being an American. The national pass time. And with that came the baseball card collecting. That's write collection development. First your favorite team, then their rivals, then star players and rookies. Soon you had all the teams for the whole year, then you had to get the next year and if you got that there were always previous years which were more valuable and drove your collecting. Soon it became an obsession a compulsion, you had to get card #127 to finish your set. Then you would make the trade, and get card #127. What ecstasy. The dopamine, the adrenaline the sense of achievement, of accomplishment, of completeness, what could be greater?

Then the high would wear off. You had your set you had no more money to buy other cards. No one had anything you wanted to trade for. So you begin to sort. You would sort by card number checking the index card (Shelf List) to be sure you had them all. Then you would sort by team, by position, by player's name. I did not learn to alphabetize or sort by classification numbers in library school. I learned it in my bedroom sorting and resorting my baseball cards over and over again. Little did I know I was being prepared, conditioned, groomed even. Groomed for the next step in the process.

My Name is Phil, and I am a Biblioholic

Hi my name is Phil and I am a Biblioholic.

I really had no choice. Yeah I know we all have a choice, but the odds were stacked against me from the beginning. My mother was already addicted when I was born. She's a real mess now. She doesn't just read Lincoln biographies, or three volume series' on the the Civil War anymore, she's gone on to harder stuff, like train spotting, bird watching, and even genealogy. We tried talking to her, getting her to see a doctor, even just to watch a little TV but none of it worked. We finally had an intervention, but she's going to have to hit bottom and start scrap booking before she can get the help she needs.

For me it started with my mom. I remember her taking me on my bike when I was five years old to the local Carnegie franchise. Yeah, "Free Public Library" the first hit is always free. They even had a special room down in the basement for kids. It had it's own full time pusher, reading to you, smiling, and being nice. How is a kid supposed to resist something like that that?

Then came school. They actually started teaching us to read?! What were they thinking? I remember Dick and Jane. Poor Dick and Jane, I wonder if they knew what they were being used for? Where are they now? Some dusty boiler room living out their last days all alone in the dark, or worse yet in a landfill with all rest of humanity's waste?

I can remember wanting to live like Dick and Jane. They were always having a good time, always happy, smiling, holding hands and running together, we never did see them the day after, when they crashed. I don't see Dick and Jane running and jumping anymore. I'm just glad that the authorities finally took this meth problem seriously.

But none of that is an excuse for me. Why do I have library of over 1000 books and a garage full of countless unknown others. Why can't I park my car in the garage like normal people instead of searching through boxes for my next book fix. I should never have picked up that first book, with its brightly colored cover and all those pictures on the pages. That seems so long ago now that I sit here 30 some odd years later, a Librarian.

Just give me a minute.

I need to get this out.

I need to tell the story of how a once happy innocent child who loved to ride his purple bike and once walked to the corner grocery totally naked and was sent home wearing a grocery sack, while his mother read Tolstoy. How I came from that innocent begging to now embody the plague that has spawned the billion dollar publishing industry and clogged our networks with pointless ramblings and blogs.

You've seen how the journey began, but can you follow it to its end?


My name is Phil and I am a biblioholic.